Four years ago today my life changed completely when at 10:59 pm my son Grayson was born. I became a mother and everything was different.
I had no idea how fiercely I would love this little one. How I knew I would do anything for him. How much my heart would ache when I was away from him.
I had no idea that some days I would be exhausted – emotionally and physically. Or that I would be thankful simply for someone making dinner for me or having the luxury of time for a long, hot shower.
I had no idea that I would doubt myself and my abilities. Or that I would worry constantly.
I had no idea of the pride and joy I would feel at his every milestone – sitting up, eating, rolling over, crawling, walking, talking. Or that I would be intent on recording all these precious moments to revisit again and again.
I had no idea how happy he could make me. Or how frustrated. That his smile could lift me out of a foul mood or that his unhappiness could make me despondent.
I had no idea that I would cry everyday for months when I had to leave him and go back to work. Or that I would ignore everything to be with him when we got home at the end of the day.
I had no idea that a day would come when I was thankful for having a little time to myself again. Or that I would feel so guilty about being so thankful.
I had no idea what it was going to be like to be a mother. Or that I would love it and him so much. And as I look at my son who is no longer a baby, I had no idea how much either of us would change in just four short years.